Uncle Bob versus the Globe
[translation - original text was in Norwegian]It's always been there on the shelf. It's been there so long that it's just a part of the scenery, but even so it's always interested me. It's a china globe, but the countries are not quite in the right places and there are dragons flying over the Atlantic. Mum says that it's a family heirloom and that it's stood for generations in just that spot.
One day while Uncle Bob was visiting, there was nothing in particular to do. Blåmeis, my dog, wanted to go for a walk, but as it was pouring down this had to wait for another day. I decided to show him the globe, as he might be interested. We went over to the shelf and took down the globe. "What do you think, then?", I asked. He took it from me. "Well, the dragons that are flying over the Atlantic are of Chinese origin. You can see that easily because Chinese dragons have feathers around the eyes and over the face. And the countries are placed where people in China thought they were a couple of thousand years ago. So I'm fairly sure that it's an ancient Chinese object, and it might be very valuable", he replied, his voice becoming more and more excited. I remained sceptical. I was remembering the last time he said something of the sort, about what turned out to be a twenty-five-year-old sandwich. The question of whether or not this had mayonnaise on has never really been cleared up. "Are you quite sure?", I asked. "I'm not going to believe that easily". "Well, in no other country would they have put China in the centre", he replied with a cheeky grin. "We need to find a safer place to put it. Blåmeis might knock it with his tail if it stays on that shelf. Come on, let's put it on the top shelf of the glass cabinet". There was no negotiation.
A few hours later, Dad was out in the cowshed and Mum was at work. That was when we heard it. A little cracking sound. Uncle Bob and I looked at each other, then at the glass cabinet. We were just in time to see the door slowly opening and a little wooden pin rolling out. The shelf began to slip; Uncle and I leaped up and rushed for the cabinet. Blåmeis, excited by all the disturbance, ran towards us. We ended up in a classic cartoon heap. I had tripped over Blåmeis, Uncle Bob fell over me and everything lay in pieces around us. But wait a moment - where was the globe? With a little rumble it rolled out of the cupboard. Uncle Bob and I both tried to catch it but it landed on top of us and bounced to the ground. After a stunned silence I started to think what we could do. "I'll get a brush for the mess and you can see whether the globe is damaged", I whispered, as though in order to be extra-sure that Mum wouldn't be able to hear us. She was going to kill us.
The globe had a crack across Russia but otherwise was intact. In Dad's office there was a secret drawer. Somehow or other, Uncle Bob knew where it was and what it contained. "He's always had a secret drawer, ever since he was little. It contained his chocolate collection and a tube of super-glue hidden from Mum", said Uncle Bob. And sure enough, in the drawer there was a tube of super-glue and a quantity of chocolate. I was very impressed, both by Dad and Uncle Bob! He carefully took hold of the glue and tried to fix the crack, but as usual there were complications. Blåmeis rushed into the lounge, wanting to play. He nudged Uncle Bob's leg, wanting him to throw the globe for a game of catch. Uncle's hand shook and glue flew everywhere. "Oh no: what are we to do now? Mum will really kill us this time", I said in complete panic. Blåmeis rushed about, barking. It sounded as if he was shouting: "Don't panic! Don't panic!". "Blåmeis, be a good dog and shut up a minute", said Uncle Bob, looking at the little dachshund that I had been given as a birthday present. Then he turned to me. "Would you mind going out and getting your dad? I'll put this tube of glue back before he gets here". I did as he asked and soon returned with Dad. "Whatever have you been up to now?", he asked. I told him everything. "So you see, it wasn't our fault, but we're still going to get the blame for it". "Bob, you and my dear daughter need to pay a visit to your good friend, Henrik the County Archaeologist. I just don't trust the two of you with that globe".
And that was how we ended up in the city of Vikeså. At first, Henrik was pleased to see us again, but when he saw the globe covered in super-glue he drew in his breath sharply. "Whatever have you done now?", he asked, evidently anything but happy. We explained the whole story. "OK, we'll start by getting rid of the glue. Pass me that bottle of white spirit over there". I gave him the bottle and he cautiously began rubbing the globe with a white-spirit-covered cloth. Around the crack he had to rub a little harder, but suddenly he pressed a little too hard and the globe broke into two pieces. It was as though time stood still, but out of the globe fell a little parcel. This was wrapped up in bits of cloth and looked to have been untouched for years. Henrik gasped, Uncle Bob was amazed and I couldn't quite take it all in. Henrik carefully opened the package. Inside was a porcelain box. It was actually fairly ugly. The only good thing about it was the gold leaf and blue painting. I said the same to Henrik, but he gave me an evil stare. "This", he whispered, "is the missing piece from the Ying Yang Collection! No-one has seen it in living memory, but everyone knew it had to exist. It is absolutely priceless! You're not allowed to call it ugly". His eyes were large behind his glasses.
"I'd like to take it to Åsgård to show the family", said Uncle Bob. When I thought about it, this actually seemed a pretty good idea. If we could show it to Mum she might not be so cross. "Out of the question!", said Henrik. "I simply can't trust you with valuable objects any more". His forehead began to sweat. "It's just Blåmeis", I began; "he likes to get in the way ..." "You have a dog? No! no! no! No dogs are coming anywhere near this object. They wag their tails and rush around". Henrik's hands were demonstrating the dangers of dogs. "Careful ..." I tried to say, but too late. Crash! The missing piece of the Ying Yang Collection lay in a thousand bits across the floor. But at least this time it wasn't our fault!